poly_bear (poly_bear) wrote in gay_poly,
poly_bear
poly_bear
gay_poly

Confused Ramblings...

Interesting day...

...spent a long time thinking and taking alone time last night...

It is a big step my lover and I have taken in the last few days (which a lot of you have read about Here and Here ) and I am not sure what to think. SO many mixed emotions. You know?

I have let my lover play with another man, all on his own, and well, he had a f*cking wonderful time and has been in a really good mood. **shakes head** And it was sex with a man besides me that has put him in this wonderful mood... Or helped.

I have such horrible terrible baggage with my ex and all his cheating and this new direction is making me not only face that stuff, but downright embrace it...

The first five years I was with my ex, "D," it was amazing. I was sooooo in love. And I thought he was too. I now suspect he may have even cheated on my on our honeymoon in New Orleans.

See, "D" and I played together, but only together. No separate f*cking (or so I thought, of course). And then I started getting really friendly with this black straight man at work. Very handsome. I am RARELY attracted to black men, but I was this guy, and sheltered little white boy, I wondered what it would be like to have sex with an African American.

And he was flirting like crazy. I thought he was straight, he said he was, but DAMN. He would even show me his read more…
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